polarishotel: (Default)
[personal profile] polarishotel
Anyone who reads this journal probably thinks I'm out of the running, but anyone who checks the userinfo knows I'm still plugging my way through. Today, especially, I've swung almost 4k words trying to make up for all the days I've missed, all the words I haven't written.

I have under 12k to win and I think I can still do it. I believe that I can do this for the first year since 2004 and I've believed that since I started. This is going to be the year I win, damnit. I did not make all those character sheets and note cards for nothing. Maybe I still don't have all the plot worked out, maybe I still don't have everything looking polished, but I have characters and I love them and I've developed them over the course of the month.

I've proven to myself that I can make something all my own, hold it in my mind and create it from start to finish all on my own, with no one's help and that's something I really needed.

I can still create and I can create on my own. I can make my own characters and I can give them life and I don't need anyone else to help me.

I am still a writer. I am still a creator. I needed to realize that this year - that in some area of my life I am not a failure because it's been a really, really hard few months for me.

So now, more than ever, I have to cross this finish line. And I will. Fuck sleep, fuck appointments, fuck apartment hunting. Fuck anything else I have to do - it can all wait until the first because I have a word count to meet before midnight on the 30th and I'm going to fucking do it.
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